Control Yourself!

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article about the most important emotional needs of women. One of those needs was that of affection, and today we are going to focus on that need, and how you can meet that need for your wife.

First, though, let’s discuss what affection is. The definition of affection is simply this: A physical expression of feelings of love. Simple enough, right? But it really is so much more than that.

Think of it this way — most of you who are married wear a wedding band of some sort. Your wedding band is something small that represents something much greater. Your wedding band is a symbol that represents the life-long commitment that you have made to your wife. The commitment that you made to be faithful to her; to honor her; to cherish her; and of course, to love her — for as long as you both shall live. It doesn’t matter if you paid fifty dollars for that band or if you paid five thousand dollars for that band — the meaning is the same. Read more…

When I was in college, I had to do a research paper for my business ethics class. I became fascinated with the topic, and when I first started blogging, my intent was to blog about business ethics (*yawn*). After I thought about it, though, I decided that I could talk about business ethics until I was blue in the face, but the likelihood of actually making a difference in the world was pretty slim.

Instead, I decided to talk about personal ethics. Basically the same topic, but it actually gets to the core of what is wrong in the world of business ethics. You see, companies aren’t really good or bad. Companies are amoral. Companies are vessels through which goods and services are produced and sold — from people to people. Read more…

Forrest Gump is one of those movies that I’ll watch every time I see it on television. No matter where we are in the movie, I’ll just jump right in and watch it till the finish.

It is one of those stories that just sucks you right in. Forrest, admittedly, isn’t a smart man, but everything he touches turns to gold. You’ll feel sorry for Forrest, though, because other than his mama and Bubba, people don’t love Forrest. Not the way he loves them.

Although Forrest isn’t a smart man, he is certainly a good man. Forrest has the traits that all men should have. Read more…

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Back in April, we took a family vacation down to Topsail Island in North Carolina. I love it there. The house we rent sits right on the beach, and that view is just spectacular. The laid-back atmosphere there is so conducive to rest, rejuvenation, and for me, creativity. I started blogging again while we were there. Read more…

Last week I posted an article about the basic emotional needs of women. I typically write articles that are directed toward men, but I get more feedback from women, either in the form of comments, Facebook Likes, or by email.

So today, I want to talk about the basic emotional needs of men. Again, these come from the book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (affiliate link), by Willard F. Harley. Some of these may come as no surprise to you; however, some of these, even though you may not have consciously thought about them, will cause you to slap your forehead (in the “I could have had a V-8″ style) and say, “That makes sense!” Read more…

As we grow older, we sometimes think that there are many things in life that have passed us by. We sit and ponder these things, oftentimes feeling sorry for ourselves for having let them slip from our grasp. It is really easy to use our perfect hindsight to see all the mistakes we have made in our past, and to think, “If only I had done this, or if only I had done that, then my life would be more complete.” Read more…

It seems like every time we turn around, there is another man in the news claiming to be a sex addict. Can a person really become addicted to sex? I believe so. I believe that you can become addicted to nearly anything. But that isn’t really the issue here, is it? Nope. The issue here is whether or not these men we read about in the papers or watch on television are, in fact, addicted to sex.

I’m addicted to sex, so I’m not really cheating.

More and more, men seem to be using this as a reason for their infidelities; as if for some reason, being addicted to something absolves them of all responsibility for their wrongdoings. Why is it that psychologists and psychiatrists are so eager to rush to our defense? Read more…

I detest the very existence of pornography. I don’t hate it so much because I think it is wrong (I do, though, think it is wrong). No, I hate it because of the grip it has on the lives of so many men. It ruins lives. It ruins relationships. I don’t care how hard you try, you can not convince me of one good thing that comes from pornography.

But is watching/looking at pornography an addiction? Or does calling it an addiction make you feel better about yourself for being caught up in such an action? Read more…

Are you a workaholic?  I looked up the word workaholic in my dictionary widget on my Mac.

workaholic |ˌwərkəˈhôlik; -ˈhälik|
noun informal
a person who compulsively works hard and long hours.

So, is that you?  Notice how the word “compulsively” is used here.  If you are a workaholic, you work long and hard hours, and you can’t help but do so.  It is almost as if you work long and hard hours against your own will.  You don’t want to work long and hard hours, but you have no choice in the matter.  Your mind won’t allow you to do otherwise. Read more…

I ran across an article this morning that I want to share with you.  It is disturbing to me, but certainly we need to raise awareness about this subject.

Here is the link to the article:

Obese kids more apt to be bullied, study confirms

Dads (and moms), there are 3 huge takeaways from this article: Read more…

This is first part of a multi-part series entitled “Addictions or Excuses.”  I’ll be covering various topics in which there is a question, at least by me, as to whether an actual addiction exists, or if the term addiction is being overused.  Maybe the idea of an addiction is only being used as an excuse to continue the behavior in question.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on these topics!  — David

It seems as though no matter what we may become hooked on these days, there is always someone, some doctor or psychologist, who is willing to say, “He can’t help it — he is just wired that way.”  Do you believe that?  Do you believe that there are things that we do that are just beyond our means to control?

It sounds like a cop out to me.  It sounds like a convenient way to avoid taking responsibility for our own actions. Read more…

Men:  From the time we first entered puberty, the curiosity we had with the female human body began to grow.  Throughout our high school years, it seemed that all our friends were already sexually active.  Were they really, though?

Some of them were.  And some who claimed to be, actually were not.   I’ve read several books that claim that a man’s number one need is sex.  So it should come as no surprise that all of us had these desires.

Some of you who read this article may be experiencing this right now:  “Should I have sex with my girlfriend before we get married?  We are going to get married anyway, and we love each other, so what is the big deal?”

So what is the big deal about having sex before marriage?  Here are some reasons why you should not have sex before you are married. Read more…

It has been a really long time.  I’m so glad that you’ve hung around.  A few of you have even contacted me to make sure that everything is okay with me.  Thank you for that!

In an attempt to get back on track, I want to bring you up to date with my focus project.  I’ve made some great progress in some areas of my project, and in others I seem to be going in the wrong direction.  In any event, I hope that this will get the ball rolling again with new blog articles. Read more…

1.  Stop spending money without input from your wife

One of the biggest things that will wreck a marriage is money problems.  That is why it should be a high priority for you and your wife to sit down every month and prepare a budget together.  Before you go spend money on any of your hobbies or sporting events, or whatever it is you like to do, make sure that food is on the table and the bills are paid.

Read more…

Have you been over to The Happiness Project website?  Gretchen Rubin writes about how to have a happier life.  Gretchen also invites you to start your own Happiness Project.  I have considered starting my own Happiness Project, but I fear that I lack the focus to do so.

That got me to thinking, though — focus.  I’ve been thinking a lot about focus lately.  I have been told that I have a one-track-mind.  Is that the same as focus?  Whenever I start doing something new, I give it my full attention; sometimes to the exclusion of everything else.  Perhaps that is a good thing in certain situations, but I can definitely see that in most cases, it isn’t necessarily good that you focus all your attention on one thing, and ignore everything else.

I lack balance.  Ask my wife — she’ll tell you “Dave has no balance.”

Read more…

One of the primary goals of this blog is to help you learn how to Control Yourself!  In order to gain control over some of the difficult things in life, sometimes you have to relinquish control to those who are better equipped to deal with the situation.  That’s right; to gain control, you need to give up control.  Money issues can cause you serious problems in your personal life and in the relationships you have with others.  There are ways in which some of the burden can be removed from you, though.  Put some of your money responsibilities on autopilot. Read more…

Back in November, I published an article entitled “Here’s Why You Have To Stop Looking At Porn.”  I received a comment to that article that I never allowed anyone else to read.  I tried to contact the person who wrote it, but the email address she left was not valid.  I want to publish it as a regular article instead of a comment to my article, because I want everyone to read what life is like for the spouse of someone who is addicted to pornography.

I removed one of the original paragraphs from this article.  It was hope-crushing, and not beneficial for anyone to read.  Please pass this article along to anyone whom you feel needs to read it.

David

Read more…

Doesn’t this time of year always seem to be the worst time when it comes to financial worries?  The holidays are behind you, but now you have to try to figure out how you are going to pay for all those gifts that you so generously gave to others.  Yeah, those credit card bills will start rolling in soon.  Can you pay those bills in full?  Will those gifts even be appreciated?

Stop putting yourself through this year after year.  Just stop it!  Look, I understand that times are tough.  Maybe you are out of work.  Really — I get it.  Read more…

This is the final installment of the series on How To Quit Smokeless Tobacco

Photo by Galt Museum & Archives on The Commons

One of the hardest things to come to grips with when quitting nicotine is that it is forever.  That’s why you feel so secure and sure of yourself when you use nicotine replacement therapy.  When you use the patch/gum/etc., you haven’t really given up your drug — you’re just getting it in a different form.

Photo by robertnelson

Today I’m going to be brief.  I know — that isn’t like me.  Sometimes I say I’m going to be brief, but I’m actually not.  Today I am going to be brief, though.

I want you to focus on becoming aware of your triggers.  Think of all the things that cause you to run — screaming and crying — back to nicotine.  Everyday.

Read more…

What motivates you?  What is it that is going to set these wheels in motion?  What is it that, for you, is going to make this journey to freedom feel more like a downhill trip than an uphill battle?  Is there anything?

I’ve heard many people say that you can’t quit for someone else.  You have to do it for yourself.  Read more…

KNOWLEDGE: GET SOME!

First, if you haven’t read yesterday’s article, please do that, then come back here.

In just a moment, I’m going to give you some links to pages with some very important information.  Before I do that, I want to stress the importance of reading that information before you attempt to quit smokeless tobacco.  If you’ve tried to quit before, obviously you still have a desire to quit — otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this.

Also, just as obvious, you failed at quitting smokeless tobacco before.  That’s ok.  Stop beating yourself up.  Even if you have tried and failed to quit before, YOU CAN STILL QUIT!  I can not begin to count the number of times I tried to quit before I was actually successful.

Read more…

Every year at this time, New Year’s resolutions start rolling around in our minds.  Maybe we’ve been thinking about these resolutions since last February, when we decided that we just didn’t have the time or the willpower to follow through on the resolutions we made last New Years Day.  Maybe next year…

One particular resolution that I used to make every year was that I was going to quit dipping.  I used smokeless tobacco (dipped, chewed — whatever you want to call it) for 24 years.  I started when I was 13 (yes, I could actually buy it myself), and I quit when I was 37.  I’m 42 now, and March 3, 2010 will make 5 years since I quit (but who’s counting?).

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1.  Real men don’t cheat on their wives.

2.  Real men don’t leave their families.

3.  Real men don’t drink so much that they get drunk.

9.  Real men don’t place more importance on their careers than on their families.

10.  Real men don’t buy a house that requires 2 incomes to cover the mortgage payment.

Read more…

Dads, do you ever stop to think about how important you are in the life of your daughter?  It may be true that your wife spends more time with your daughter during the early years of her life, but that in no way lessens your responsibility to be the best possible dad to your daughter.  The influence you have over your daughter is enormous.  Failing to insert yourself into your daughter’s everyday life could have adverse effects on her, and any decisions she makes, for years to come.

Read more…

In today’s economy, the thought of losing your job may scare you.  You may not be able to do anything about your company downsizing, but you certainly don’t want to make it a simple choice for them to select you if they do decide to lay people off.  If the boss has to pick between two employees when it is time to downsize your department, it may come down to “who’s the better employee?”  Here then are 5 simple tips for becoming a better employee:

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Pay attention!

One of the biggest problems I’ve had in my marriage is that of not paying attention.  I don’t pay attention to the style of crown molding in our family room (we have crown molding in our family room??).  I don’t notice when my wife’s hair is one shade lighter when I get home from work than it was when I left for work.  And I also don’t pay attention to the fact that the reversible duvet cover on the bed I sleep in every night has been reversed (what the heck is a duvet cover, anyway?).

My wife, on the other hand, notices everything.  Read more…

Taking care of your own child isn’t babysitting.

Have you ever said this or something similar?  “I can’t go golfing on Saturday.  My wife has a hair appointment, so I’m stuck babysitting.”

Guys, I’m not trying to be all “holier than thou” here.  I’m sure those words have come out of my mouth on more than one occasion.  But those words are wrong!  I can admit it — can you?

There are 2 things that really jump out at me from that statement.  First is “I’m stuck.”  This is definitely the wrong attitude to have with regard to spending time with your child.  If your wife is a stay at home mom, she is probably the one who feels “stuck.”

I don’t think you realize the importance of your role as a dad in the life of your child.  Read more…

This is the 3rd article of a 5 part series examining gifts that your wife loves to receive.

Show an interest in her interests.

Many times after the excitement of a new marriage has worn off, you may find that you and your wife don’t have many interests in common.  This isn’t unusual; nor is it necessarily a bad thing.  But if you and your wife are constantly going to be “doing your own thing,” what was the point of marrying?

You need to suck it up and just be with her as she is doing some of the things she loves.  I know, I know — she should also make an effort to try out some of your interests as well.  But someone has to go first, right?  Be a man and take the lead on this.

Read more…

This is the 2nd article of a 5 part series examining gifts that your wife loves to receive.

One of the most important gifts a man can give his wife is that of conversation.  Sounds easy enough, but some men really struggle with this.  Communication is one of the most important components of a successful marriage, and talking is probably the preferred method of communication for most women.

Don’t believe me?  Have you ever observed women talking to each other?  The conversation flows like beer at Oktoberfest.  We often joke around about women having the “gift of gab,” but all kidding aside, women do seem to be naturals at talking.  Even on my best talking days, my wife can still talk me under the table.

Why is this conversation thing so important to women, anyway?  If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, stuck all day with no one to talk to other than children, she is going to be starving for some grown-up (Grown-up doesn’t mean adult content.  Read: intelligent) conversation by the time you get home from work.  Read more…

If you are like me, every year at this time you struggle to come up with some great gift ideas for your wife.  I want to get her something unique, practical, somewhat affordable, and it has to be something she’ll use frequently.  I’ve always felt that buying jewelry or some other pretty thing is a lame gift idea (I may be wrong here — wives?); I mean, anyone who doesn’t know your wife nearly as well as you can buy her jewelry. But because you know your wife as well as you do, you should be able to come up with something that not just anyone could think of.

Read more…

Pornography can wreck your life.  Pornography is one of those things that can grab hold of you, and just won’t let go.  Once you get drawn into the trap (yes, men, it is a trap) of watching pornography, you’ll find that it occupies your thoughts for hours on end.  Never allow the allure of porn to control you.

YOU should control you.

The true cost of looking at porn may be difficult to imagine.  The next time the desire to look at porn overcomes you, consider these things as a reminder of why you must stop:

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There is no shortage of information out there detailing the harmful side effects of smoking, along with instructions on how to go about quitting.  That’s all well and good, but given that our own government endorses smoking (through its legalization), don’t you think that there has to be some advantages to smoking?  Here, then, in no particular order of importance, are 5 reasons you should not quit smoking:

1.  Smoking is cheaper than quitting. Think about it.  If you quit smoking, it is possible that you may actually add years to your life.  If that happens, you’re going to have to be better prepared for retirement.  That means you’re going to have to think about things like savings accounts, IRAs, 401Ks, and the list goes on and on.  That just seems like way too much trouble.  Besides, all that money going towards retirement may just cut into your cigarette budget.  You don’t want that.  Nobody wants that!

Read more…